What did childhood teach women about money that they are still carrying into adulthood?
While money is a physical thing, the ideas and beliefs built around it can be much more complicated. Money is becoming increasingly important to the modern woman, and so is her relationship with it, including the beliefs and assumptions she carries about what money means and how it should be used.
Long before a woman receives her first paycheck, she has probably already formed ideas about money. Some are taught deliberately, while others are picked up unconsciously from childhood by watching the adults around her save, spend, borrow, give or worry about money.
These ideas are often referred to as money beliefs: the assumptions people carry about money, what it means, how it should be used, and what having or not having it says about them. They can quietly follow women into adulthood, shaping everything from how they spend a salary to how comfortable they are asking for a raise, investing or spending money on themselves.
So, what might some of those beliefs look like?
“Money should always be saved.”
For some women, having money sitting safely in an account feels better than spending it. They save before they spend, keep separate accounts for different goals and feel good watching their balance grow.
It can be a useful habit, but when the belief becomes too rigid, spending can start to feel irresponsible even when the money has been deliberately set aside for it. A woman might have enough money for a holiday and still feel guilty booking the flight, or afford the shoes while her inner accountant spends three weeks asking whether she really needs them.
“If I have money, I should help.”
For other women, money is closely tied to generosity and responsibility. Earning more can mean thinking about parents, siblings, school fees, medical bills, family emergencies and the friend who has just sent, “Please, I need a small favour.”
There can be genuine joy in being able to help, but this belief can also make financial boundaries difficult. A woman may have planned to save ₦100,000 and end up sending part of it to a family member, or feel guilty buying something for herself when someone she loves needs money. Her financial question is no longer just, “Can I afford this?” It becomes, “Who else needs this money?”
“I should never depend on anyone financially.”
For some women, money is almost synonymous with independence. They want to pay their own bills, make their own decisions and know they can leave a job, relationship or difficult situation without being financially trapped. This can look like maintaining personal savings, building a career, investing or always keeping emergency money aside. But independence can become rigid too. A woman may have a partner who is happy to contribute and still feel uncomfortable accepting help because, somewhere along the way, needing financial support has become confused with being financially dependent.
“What’s the point of having money if I can’t enjoy it?”
Some women are much more comfortable spending. They save, but they also travel, eat out, buy clothes, attend concerts and occasionally buy something simply because they want it. Their philosophy might be, “I worked for it. I should be able to enjoy it.” And there is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying money. The tension comes when every increase in income immediately becomes an increase in spending. A raise becomes a nicer apartment, a bonus becomes a holiday and a good month becomes a shopping spree. She may be earning more while still having very little left at the end of the month.
“There will never be enough.”
A woman can have a stable income, savings and an emergency fund and still feel as though everything could disappear tomorrow. She may constantly check her bank balance, panic after a large but planned expense or struggle to take reasonable financial risks. More money may not necessarily make her feel more secure; it may simply feel like more money that could eventually run out. Sometimes, financial caution is not just about the numbers. It is also about how safe having money feels.
“Talking about money is uncomfortable.”
For some women, money is something that should remain private. They may avoid telling friends what they earn, feel awkward asking colleagues about salaries or struggle to discuss finances with a partner. A woman may happily announce that she got a new job but avoid saying what it pays. She may enter a relationship without discussing how bills will be divided because the conversation feels too serious. When money becomes a taboo subject, important financial decisions can end up being made with very little information.
“Rich people are greedy.”
Money beliefs can also shape how women view wealth itself. A woman may associate being rich with greed, corruption or excessive consumption. She may want financial security but feel uncomfortable with the idea of becoming “rich.” She wants the money, but feels suspicious of what the money represents. That contradiction can show up in subtle ways, from feeling uncomfortable charging more for her work to dismissing wealthy people as undeserving while still wanting the freedom that wealth can provide.
“Money is meant to make life easier.”
Some women see money primarily as a tool. The goal is not necessarily to have the biggest number in a bank account, but to create a more comfortable and flexible life. That might mean paying for a cleaner, living in a better home, travelling, investing in education or simply paying for convenience. For these women, financial success is measured not only by how much money they have, but by what that money allows them to do. Money can buy time, options, comfort and sometimes peace of mind.
“I need to look like I have money.”
Then there is the belief that financial success should be visible. It can show up through clothes, cars, restaurants, holidays, gadgets and the pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle. A woman may earn well but feel compelled to look as though she earns even more. A salary increase quickly becomes a lifestyle upgrade, leaving little room for savings or investments. Social media can make this even harder by constantly presenting polished versions of other people’s spending. Looking wealthy and being financially secure are two very different things.
One woman can have several money beliefs
These beliefs rarely exist in neat categories. A woman can be a serious saver who also loves luxury. She can believe strongly in financial independence while sending money home every month. She can be careful with her salary but spend freely when she travels. She can believe rich people are greedy while desperately wanting to become wealthy herself.
That is because money means different things to different people. To one woman, ₦500,000 might be business capital. To another, it is rent. Someone else sees a holiday. Another woman is already calculating how much she can send home. Same money, different meaning.
So, what beliefs are hiding in the background?
Understanding money beliefs does not mean deciding that everything a woman learnt about money growing up was wrong. Some beliefs may be useful. Some may need adjusting. Others may simply be old rules that no longer fit the life she is living.
A useful place to start is with a few unfinished sentences: Money is… People with a lot of money are… A woman who earns a lot of money is… Spending money on herself makes her feel… When someone asks her for money, she feels… Growing up, she was taught that money… If she suddenly received ₦10 million, the first thing she would do is…
The answers can reveal the rules sitting underneath everyday financial decisions. They may explain why a woman saves aggressively, struggles to spend, feels guilty about wanting more, finds it difficult to ask for a raise or sends money home before paying herself.
The point is not to get rid of every money belief. It is to recognise them well enough to decide which ones still serve her. Because before a woman can decide what she wants her money to do, it helps to understand what she already believes money is supposed to do.
